2 things

I did not share these 2 things at our hg worship time last night after our party and I wish I had.  The second one is especially pertinent to our worship time last night.  I appreciate these people.

This last semester and winter break have been very difficult for me (see previous post).  So what do I do?  I try to control things.  I want people to know exactly how I feel and respond to it exactly how I want them too.  Basically I want to manipulate them.  I make myself a victim and spend a lot of time in self pity.  I sit for hours and try to understand- try to wrap my mind around how this could happen.  But God's understanding is above ours.  It is infinite.  But I forget this.  I try to play God.  But what does God want?

I lean not on my own understanding,
My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven

I give it all to you God, 
Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me

I will climb this mountain 
With my hands wide open

There is nothing I hold on to


2010 United Pursuit 


Also, I have spent years in hg faking it to be seen by others.  Pray an awesome prayer aloud, take the right worship positions, all hoping to be seen by that guy across the room.  We pretend we have it all together to protect our insecurity, not to dampen the mood, to get people to like us.  But God has more for us than that.  He offers wholeness in him, unshakable worth and identity, all through vulnerability.  I thank God that this year I have started to share openly how I really feel.  I pray that it spreads through our hgs like fire.