my ego is a fragile thing

Why do optimists hate on pessimists?  It seems like a blow to their optimism.  I like being a pessimist, depressive and an introvert.  Maybe this is self righteous and I should try to change but balance in everything right?  I read somewhere that optimists live longer, happier lives.  I want to become more optimist, but I am happy :) Come on people.  Love and accept others for who they are!

I bet that some of the things people make fun of and disapprove of me for are the same things they will appreciate and miss about me when I am gone.  Those things that are not normal...

All I NEED to know is that God loves how he has made me.

thoughts vs. feelings

People always get into arguments with me over this.  A common phrase nowadays that was not common a few years ago is, "I feel like..."  People usually follow this with the explanation of a thought and not a feeling.  I THINK people, especially me, have trouble identifying how they are feeling.  When I say, "I feel like they are stupid for doing something idiotic" it would actually benefit me more to realize that I am merely frustrated and need to move on.  But if I spend my time ranting about "how I feel," I may never stop to identify how I actually feel.

Instead may I suggest saying "I think... (insert thought here) or "I feel... (insert feeling here).  Or better yet, "I feel like (feeling!) because (thought!).  Yes, bring it all together.  A feeling is expressed by a feeling word (e.g. frustrated, lonely, confused, etc.)  The list goes on and on.  You may want to create a feelings list.  Try to come up with hundreds.  I bet that would help (I still need to do this).  And a thought is... Well, we know what a thought is.    

I should thank Listening for Heaven's Sake (Apples of Gold) for some of these thoughts.  And all of the people in the past few years who have forced me to tell them how I felt when I was only telling them what I thought.  I do think it is important to get this right.

control

I live like I am on my own, like the weight of all life's decisions rest on my shoulders.  I forget that I have a lover that will help guide me.  And I forget:


          Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon 
          you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  
          For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30


I need to let go, let God guide me and see where I end up.  I cannot control everything or have everything be perfect.  But God has the best for me, even though that includes suffering.  

I think that where I live will make me happy.  I think that what I am doing will make me happy.  I think that my relationships (**a relationship**) will make me happy.  But these things will fall short.  And they are not the point of life.  I need to find my fulfillment in you.  I need to find my value in you.  All else is fleeting.

I leave you with these lyrics that define what I need to live in.

God is my shepherd
I won't be wanting
I won't be wanting
He makes me rest
In fields of green
With quite streams
Even though I walk
Through the valley
Of death and dying
I will not fear
'Cause you are with me
You are with me

Your shepherd staff
Comforts me
You are my feast
In the presence of enemy
Surely goodness
Follow me
Follow me
In the house of God, forever


"House of God, Forever" by Jon Foreman
Psalm 23 :)