a theory i am working on: experiences

I am an experience hound who hunts new experiences- both big and small, easy and difficult, fun and tedious.  I think they will make me more like Jesus- which may be true- but I also think these experiences will fulfill me- which is a dangerous thought.  The truth is... a life is not fulfilled by the extent of its experiences.  Only Jesus fulfills.  A rich life has more to do with the way we react to the experiences we do have.

A person who never leaves the neighborhood they grew up in may have a fuller life than a world traveler.  This is easy for me to say considering I have left the neighborhood I grew up in and I have traveled the world and I still want more!  Could you imagine spending the rest of your life in your childhood-romping grounds?  What would you do there?  How would you make it a better place?  I think I would be bored and potentially give up... unless I found thankfulness!

Again, I am trying to believe that life is more about how we react to the experiences that God does give us.  Thankfulness.  Joy.  Contentment.  Grace.  Peace.  The Bible makes it clear that we are to be thankful in all circumstances.  "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)."   And again in Philippians 4:4-7:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

 We are to try to rejoice in all things, even when "everything sucks" and being thankful is the last thing you want to be.  I want my life to be an exploration of new cultures (different US states, countries, classes, races, ect.) but I continue to realize that I can learn A TON from the people here in Bryan- if I make the effort to pay attention to my surroundings.  So maybe I will be patient, be fully where I am, and follow God's leading- not my own experience-hounding ways.

my best year yet

Today I am 26.  A little scary, considering that 25 has been the best year of my life.  Notice I did not say easiest.  Just best.  It was indeed very difficult.  I thought that it would be the year I would begin the most difficult thing I had done yet in my life- support raising to move as a long-term missionary overseas- and that that would quickly be trumped by the new hardest thing I had ever done- learn a very difficult foreign language.  But these two difficult things were replaced by something equally if not more difficult.   

I spent from November to February (granted support raising and learning a language would have taken longer than 4 months) seriously asking God if it would be best for me to go on this overseas church plant.  Without going into too many details, I entered a deep despair.  At first I couldn’t imagine not going- it was something I had built my life on, been planning for, become, over the previous 2 years.  Once I jumped the hurdle of surrender I was very frustrated at the thought that God wasn’t speaking to me, or more accurately, that I was not hearing him clearly (thoughts and emotions can really help in decision making, but they can also get in the way).  Once I realized that going on the church plant was not a calling on my life and that I was not passionate enough about it to make it sustainable, I made my decision not to go and immediately felt much better, except for the old relationships I left in my wake (part of the difficulty and the glory of this year was/is learning how to reconcile those).  

My decision freed me up from being who I had “become” to pursue a calling I had received 8 years prior but had suppressed ever since- a calling to live sacrificially to serve the poor.  I met a group of people doing just that and I am constantly learning from them, for which I will be thankful for the rest of my life.  Here is a list of some of the things I have begun or continued to do this past year with more vigor:  

• I have begun to follow my heart and calling and not succumb to what others expect of me.  
• I have begun to really figure out who I am and how God would have me act out the purpose of my life day to day.  
• This is the first year that I have begun to question the political and social ideologies I was raised with and decide for myself what I believe. 

I know these things will continue to develop for the rest of my life but this year has been a catapult forward.  Sometimes I face the lie that I am behind the learning curve- that most people my age started the journey I am on years ago.  But the truth is that each person develops at their own pace, better late than never.  Another difficulty I have is now feeling aimless.  I had my “10 year plan” and now I have… no plan.  I’m still working on this one.  

Maybe my “false start” in missions will give me the wisdom and motives I need to be successful in another go around (at this point I certainly hope not but maybe God will change my heart).  Maybe this will be the year I will finally make it out of Texas (or at least to Austin) or maybe I will find contentment here in Bryan.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that it was good for me to branch out from everyone and everything I learned over the past 8 years and to explore new ways of looking at the world.  I hope this year will be better than the last, but whatever happens I want to be content, thankful and not give up on living!