I have been questioning the validity of faith recently. Reading nineteenth century Russian literature and focusing on the philosophical arguments therein has me viewing the World much more rationally than usual.
I also recently started working at a Christian-run homeless shelter in Downtown Portland. I am involved with women residents who are trying to rise above life on the street. Each individual has been through most of the horrors that American life has to offer us as women: domestic violence, prison, not being able to raise your children, divorce, abandonment by family and friends, rape, drug/alcohol addiction, homelessness, etc, etc.
When having a deeply emotional conversation with a women the other night I was unable to reassure her with overtly Biblical principals as I usually would. I do not think it is right for me to preach what I do not currently practice. Instead I asked her open-ended questions in an attempt to allow her to come to her own conclusions.
Interestingly, I found a point of contention in my current style of conversation, which focuses more on rational thought than subjective faith. I still have hope for the future of my own life and I want to women to own this faith-based outlook for their lives as well. Why is hopefulness an innate characteristic of mankind? Was it placed there by God or is it a survival instinct evolved through natural selection?
I am currently reading A Confession by Tolstoy, the explanation of his existential crisis and how he became devoted to Christianity in the second half of his life whereas prior he was an aesthetic. His rational thinking leads him to the conclusion that life is meaningless and that we must free ourselves from it. He finds himself hopeless and suicidal. But once he remembers faith and starts investigating it he writes the line, translated from Russian, "Wherever there is life, the is faith." Maybe faith is higher than reason.
